Yesterday was a day of mistakes.

For me at least. I am trying to take a systematic approach to learn from my mistakes, use a little science in the art of living.

I mean, I did some things right, but I made three big blunders.

1. I pissed off a friend of mine online. We have known each other for over 20 years, he is a nice guy, has a record for drunk driving and a few other things. Anyway, he is usually the nicest guy I know, so he was giving me pointers about finding jobs, be confident, be a guy the people at the company would want to hang out with. He said he would rather have someone with lots of confidence and no education over someone with lots of education but no confidence. I agreed and took it a step farther, saying I would hire someone with both an education and confidence. He immediately exploded, took it as a personal attack, and said how its sad that I would try to make fun of other people through my insecurities. I was like W T F? I just took his statement to the next logical step. Alas, my friend has no college degree and is a bit touchy about it, which I found the hard way. I said sorry, and tried to praise him about his accomplishments (he does a lot of different things). But in the end he was like, fuck you. So lesson one, think about how the other person might take what you say in a completely wrong way. I didn't wasn't trying to rub his lack of education into his nose, I wasn't trying to say that I was better at all, I'm not, I am unemployed and he has a job. But for whatever reasons he took my statement as a big insult.

2. My Stepfather is out of town, and so its just my mother and me at the house. I was asking some questions across the room and eventually she exploded, saying if I have questions I should come to her and not have her come to me. It's a bad habit that I picked up from my step-father who always expects me to come to him when he wants to tell me something or ask for my assistance, I could be in my room writing a paper and he would be like, "Bink, I need you". I hate it, and I have told him so. I shouldn't treat others how I don't want to be treated, esp my mother.

3. Last night a few friends of my mom brought a speaker to our house. He is a new age type guy, speaks about "star gates" and stuff like that. I don't do well in big tables where people talk about things I have no interest in. Anyway, one of my mom's friends brought her daughter to come meet me. She was 26, very pretty, and has a 3 year old son. She didn't bring her son, but I was an ungracious and didn't even speak to her. I realize she probably had to get a baby sitter to come. we sat diagonally across from each other in the table, I was reluctant to start a conversation from someone so far away on the table, plus cut through the conversation the star gate guy was having with the other ladies. I eventually left and went to my room to watch some hulu. She then left shortly afterward. I felt bad that I wasted her and her mom's time. I know I have no obligation to be friends with everybody, but I could have at least tried to make her feel welcome. Lesson: Make people feel welcome.

This has inspired me to write a little paragraph:


How do we learn from our mistakes? By not making them? People seem so bent on living the perfect life, so petrified to make mistakes that they are afraid to try new things, explore the world, and perfect themselves through self examination. Life is an art and a science. We make mistakes; we live and breathe in organic, unsystematic and asymmetrical lives. Our ambitions take new forms, our hopes, higher or lower planes, our growth widens and recedes like the seasons. But every time we make a mistake, we have an opportunity to systematically prune the bad branches so that the good ones can grow stronger, and bear fruit, or we continue to make the same mistakes, continue to let the unnecessary baggage of our lives hold us down, to the point that the tree of life is a jumbled mess, sunlight can’t get to the leaves, and the fruit of our dreams never grow and ripen.

Roaming in my eyes.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

In the green pastures
Where the horses graze
I can feel the sunshine
Almost like her gaze.

My heart is a- flutter
When I feel her near.
I heart beats calmer
When her voice I can hear.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

I feel the tingle on my skin,
When I can touch her
I know it’s not a sin
To feel that much better.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

Nightlife.

At eleven pm the world is Dark, but my mind is full of energy.

Running

I ran through the forest and into the mystic. The green leave filtered sunlight in contrast with the dusted naked sunlight gave the earth a heavenly glow. The unknowable, was knowable, the unattainable, attainable. There was mystery still, but there was means to solving that mystery. It was almost as if God was walking through that forest, or was I walking through the mystic of divine? A simple pile of an animals poop became a sign that life was nearby, the call of birds were the real singing of angels.
I ran for joy, I ran for life, I ran for my life, for my joy. I ran because I want to catch up with myself, with the I AM. Though those hundreds of sleeping ents, and millions of billions of microbes, I could still see the illuminated path, the journey to whom I am and who I want to become. I can’t not fight anymore, I must charge through the barriers of my happiness, climb the walls of my self-deprecating ego, and fly again.
In the mystic I flew, slowly, steadily, and in a sense still grounded, but I still flew. I wasn’t high, but I wasn’t below the surface of my own grave. I could feel my heart pound, I could hear my breath, and I could see fleeting waves of light. But I am not strong, not yet, but I will be, I will be able to fly higher, and peer into the deepness of myself, and see the greatness of others. To connect and flow in the river of life, that we all are a part of.

Up up and away!

It has been a long time since a movie has lifted my spirits and had me leaving the theater with a smile. Up is a masterpiece in storytelling. This is a movie that shows that you don’t need the wittiest dialogue, or the flashiest animation, or the most inventive imagination to please audience- although Up has those in spades- what a movie really needs are characters that the audience can relate to, and cheer for.
Up is the story of an old man who has recently lost his wife, and the fulfillment of a dream he and his former wife shared. Up is the story of a boy, who isn’t he brightest, or the coolest, who aspires to get the last badge in a boy scout like organization. Up is about the dangers of obsession, the value of true friendship even when it extends beyond our own species.
Sounds generic? Sounds boring? No! This is all given the Pixar flair, which will leave you wanting more.
Relationships are the true heart of this movie. While moments like when the house flies for the first time, widens our eyes with wonder, it is really the small, personal, moments that make this movie a joy. In one particular scene Russ the old man sits down and looks at a book that shows the life he and his wife had lead together, their adventures, the music is soothing, and the moment touching. The wild action of the movie created some wonderful thrills, but it was those soft, touching, human moments that lifted this movie from a mere summer animation movie to a Pixar classic.
This film is a Herculean feat of imagination. Pixar has done the impossible and has made not only made the idea of a house floating from the power of a million balloons seem credible, but they have also given credence to the idea of technology assisted dogs that talk, serve and act as much as human as humans do, until of course they don’t. The roadrunner like bird that likes chocolate and the boy it loves shows us that friends can come in all sorts of packages.
Of course this being a Pixar movie means that the animation will be top notch, and it is. The landscapes, the waterfalls, and the skies look like they took pictures of everything and then rendered in cartoon colors. Everything looks real. Inside the house is no less spectacular, the pictures and vases, the things that make a home, home were crafted with perfection.
Pixar shows us the power of the imagination, and once again illustrates the flexibility and power of the human spirit. Kids and Parents, as well as other human beings will enjoy this movie, if only for different reasons.

The crossing of the desert of the real.

OH, NO! Not Again!!!!



AHHHHHHHHHH

Just the feelings of this morning.

Everybody wants to hear what they know
Everybody wants to be part of the show
Everybody wants to think they grow
Everybody wants life to glow…..

But I can tell you right now
That these feelings are impermanent
That life is something of an illusion
We live for a second of bliss

The time is ripe for ourselves
To shine through the darkness of our shells
The change has been coming
Since before our singing….

The days are brighter now
And the birds are in flight
And I know that the sunshine
Isn’t forever in sight

You got to plow through the fields
In darkness and in light
Just throwing those seeds of tomorrow
No matter what’s in sight.

Just keep moving forward
Keep challenging,
The days are getting shorter
But we can still sing.