Yesterday was a day of mistakes.

For me at least. I am trying to take a systematic approach to learn from my mistakes, use a little science in the art of living.

I mean, I did some things right, but I made three big blunders.

1. I pissed off a friend of mine online. We have known each other for over 20 years, he is a nice guy, has a record for drunk driving and a few other things. Anyway, he is usually the nicest guy I know, so he was giving me pointers about finding jobs, be confident, be a guy the people at the company would want to hang out with. He said he would rather have someone with lots of confidence and no education over someone with lots of education but no confidence. I agreed and took it a step farther, saying I would hire someone with both an education and confidence. He immediately exploded, took it as a personal attack, and said how its sad that I would try to make fun of other people through my insecurities. I was like W T F? I just took his statement to the next logical step. Alas, my friend has no college degree and is a bit touchy about it, which I found the hard way. I said sorry, and tried to praise him about his accomplishments (he does a lot of different things). But in the end he was like, fuck you. So lesson one, think about how the other person might take what you say in a completely wrong way. I didn't wasn't trying to rub his lack of education into his nose, I wasn't trying to say that I was better at all, I'm not, I am unemployed and he has a job. But for whatever reasons he took my statement as a big insult.

2. My Stepfather is out of town, and so its just my mother and me at the house. I was asking some questions across the room and eventually she exploded, saying if I have questions I should come to her and not have her come to me. It's a bad habit that I picked up from my step-father who always expects me to come to him when he wants to tell me something or ask for my assistance, I could be in my room writing a paper and he would be like, "Bink, I need you". I hate it, and I have told him so. I shouldn't treat others how I don't want to be treated, esp my mother.

3. Last night a few friends of my mom brought a speaker to our house. He is a new age type guy, speaks about "star gates" and stuff like that. I don't do well in big tables where people talk about things I have no interest in. Anyway, one of my mom's friends brought her daughter to come meet me. She was 26, very pretty, and has a 3 year old son. She didn't bring her son, but I was an ungracious and didn't even speak to her. I realize she probably had to get a baby sitter to come. we sat diagonally across from each other in the table, I was reluctant to start a conversation from someone so far away on the table, plus cut through the conversation the star gate guy was having with the other ladies. I eventually left and went to my room to watch some hulu. She then left shortly afterward. I felt bad that I wasted her and her mom's time. I know I have no obligation to be friends with everybody, but I could have at least tried to make her feel welcome. Lesson: Make people feel welcome.

This has inspired me to write a little paragraph:


How do we learn from our mistakes? By not making them? People seem so bent on living the perfect life, so petrified to make mistakes that they are afraid to try new things, explore the world, and perfect themselves through self examination. Life is an art and a science. We make mistakes; we live and breathe in organic, unsystematic and asymmetrical lives. Our ambitions take new forms, our hopes, higher or lower planes, our growth widens and recedes like the seasons. But every time we make a mistake, we have an opportunity to systematically prune the bad branches so that the good ones can grow stronger, and bear fruit, or we continue to make the same mistakes, continue to let the unnecessary baggage of our lives hold us down, to the point that the tree of life is a jumbled mess, sunlight can’t get to the leaves, and the fruit of our dreams never grow and ripen.

Roaming in my eyes.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

In the green pastures
Where the horses graze
I can feel the sunshine
Almost like her gaze.

My heart is a- flutter
When I feel her near.
I heart beats calmer
When her voice I can hear.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

I feel the tingle on my skin,
When I can touch her
I know it’s not a sin
To feel that much better.

Oh where does my girl roam?
When we look into each others eyes?
Why do we feel at home?
When we light up like fireflies?

Nightlife.

At eleven pm the world is Dark, but my mind is full of energy.